Feet suck

The most tragic thing has happened... I think my feet are getting bigger! They are the only small part of my body!!! What the hell? Wait a sec, maybe that means I'll grow an inch or two. Wishful thinking.

Reality Check

For those that don't know, I met some of the Valpo ladies in Minnesota for a weekend of fun. I took an extra two days of leave for this lovely "vacation". I'm just glad that Snorman and I are going to go to Europe next spring so I can take a vacation that isn't ridiculously short. Anyway... nothing brings me back from "vacation" quicker than finding out that I had to go to the Pentagon for a super boring briefing on my first day back. Rest assured I made the most of this opportunity!

One of my division's team leaders has taken to writing Alabama words in case I make the big move. Examples: oil = ol, government = gubmint, etc. Today I wrote two words on his board that he had missed on mine: wrestle = rassle and naked = nekkid. I couldn't stop there. As one of the fancy pants peeps for this briefing, I dared him to include these two words somewhere in the briefing. He did it! There is nothing more difficult than keeping a straight face as he wormed the word rassle into the conversation. We all know how I like to cry from laughter--it was one of the hardest things I've ever done to keep from lighting up the C-Ring with my not-so-quiet laughter.

I also came to the realization that if I really want to stay with the Army and be even remotely successful , I'll need to become a mega bitch. Wow. I haven't seen this kind of hostility since my mom and I had shouting matches when I was 16. It was amazing.

Thus ends my latest installment of Deep Thought With T-Wirs. Stay tuned for more on Minnesota, cityfolk, and my discussion of the French conspiracy to get me searched at airports.

Check out these hot chicks!

This is me with Trisha and Luth Anne at Thursday's Nationals Game (yes, we got to go on the gov's time!!)

Beer Allergies

I think I'm allergic to beer. Isn't that depressing? I apparently get fat foot disease whenever I drink. That's not good. We all know how I enjoy the occasional cold beverage. I've had a bit of a dry spell since Christine and Evan's wedding (the last time I had the fat foot), but it has reappeared now that I'm back on the drink.

I think this is something that I'll need to test out. I will dedicate this weekend to scientific research on this matter. Wish me luck.

Another quote not from Tara

From Snorman: "I wish I had a dollar for each time I got wasted to Gone With the Wind. Think about it, as many times as we watched it and got wasted--the two have to correlate."

Why I'm going to call this the Thomas blog

I've made up for my writer's apathy (yeah, I don't know what that is either) by repeatedly quoting my brother. As long as that's straight, here's another Thomas quote pertaining to my absence from work for two days because of the flu:

I could see all the top brass in the war room, "Why isn't she here, Johnson?", "She says to f$@% off, sir."

One reason I like my job:

People can say things like this to me: "Since you're a professional analyst, I'm sure you won't have any trouble with such a pedestrian task." I like that perception. :)

Division Headquarters Barbie

Thank you, Shannon. You have helped me with my decision to become a better person. That and many weekends bored off my ass. I came to the realization the other day that most people (especially males) are freaked out by females, such as myself, that 1) speak their mind and 2) can drink more beer than the standard male. These are two things that I may be able to cut down on, at least a little.

How better to become Division Headquarters Barbie (thanks again Snorm) than 100% participation in the "I don't speak, I smile" routine and the "Barbara" diet (aka too busy with work to eat and too freaked out to even if I had the time because Barbara is going to kick my ass at this briefing). There are few who can't be snowed by an "I'm so cute" smile. I'll just give the smile and everything bad will disappear like a twinkie at fatcamp. Throw in some dimples and it's really over. This kind of ingenuity is what really gets a girl ahead in the world. (Don't say anything. I don't want to hear about what else can help out--lets not bring the girls into this).

To say that I will give up beer is unrealistic. Besides, my quest to save money has done horrible things to my tolerance. Maybe this being fake thing will work out and I won't need to take any more drastic measures. :) Perhaps I can turn this into a scientific experiment and document my findings in a red notebook with an acid free pen. This could be fun...

Thanks for the compliment, Christine

Christine put in a comment about how I don't ever update the blog with anything good anymore. Sorry about that--I've been a work nerd for the last two weeks. I worked late a lot and even worked from home on the weekend. Government employees aren't supposed to do that.

This experience helped me come to the realization that I will be one of the 10% of gov suckers that do most of the work. This week, for example, I had to prepare and give a briefing for this hooker I work with who was away for "training". This was in addition to my normal amount of work and then some. Nothing pisses me off more than people who plan to be gone and leave loads of work for coworkers. Next time I'm going to tell her lazy ass that she should have done it the week before she left. As if I want to spend my sit-on-my-ass-at-home time doing someone else's work.

That gives me an idea... I'm going to Minnesota at the end of the month and will have 2 days off. Maybe I can strategically neglect all my work before I leave so someone else (cough, Trisha, cough) can do my work for me.

Now who's sorry she said something about my lack of random, informative posts...

Lord Thomas' Brit talk of the week

I think I might need to get some new trainers, coz I stepped in some bogeys a fortnight past.

Lord Thomas HP Quote of the Day

"I just don't see how Harry can withstand all that shit from Voldemort, but then Snape bitchkicks him every time he tries something."

Another random observation

I think there's an unspoken rule among all large, balding 50+ yr old men that forces them to go running without a shirt. Why can't the hot 25 yr olds do that? And if you must take off your shirt, do your shorts have to be so short as well? I guess it just bothers me that I'm too self-conscious to go running outside in full view of passing motorists yet Mr. Mantits is running wild. Okay, I'll stop now.