For an entertaining story, call Lisa @ 317...

I'd be lying if I didn't say I was tempted to put Lisa's number online. That might make up for simTara, which can now be located when Googling my name. Thank you, Lisa. You dirty, dirty whore.

I'm currently in Indianapolis visiting Lisa and (occasionally) Shannon. These hookers haven't changed and it's great. :) I thought it was going to be fun getting away from the office for two days, but it got better... I got a tentative offer for a job in Germany!! I just need to prove to them that I didn't lie about my rank so they can calculate how much I would get for housing. I love it. Now I have to decide if it's worth giving up an automatic promotion in the job from hell for a job in a country were I know no one. Good thing I have the day off on Monday to think about it. :)

On a side note, the HP blog promised last month is progressing nicely. Lisa and I are not at all sarcastic in our analysis of the fine film, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire. We silently passed up on any opportunity to comment on anything when we went to see it this afternoon.

P.S. Today is Opposite Day.

Check out that Honolulu blue...

Wearing the blue was a complete coincidence, I assure you. Thank you to Lord Thomas for letting me temporarily steal this shirt for a classy "screw Detroit" moment.

NFL!

It's times like these that I'm sad Christine moved from Detroit. What does a girl have to do to get a quality Fire Millen shirt around here? Isn't that why the internet is supposed to be so great?? I'm two minutes from designing my own.

For the record: I love Joey Harrington (shut up Brian). He prefers champagne over beer, plays the piano, and he's hot. That's a no brainer. If they get rid of him, can the Lions get Drew Brees? I need to stop this before drool ruins my laptop. I will cease tolerating the Lions if they do not have a hot quarterback. That's just how my dedication to the NFL works.

Go Skins? I feel dirty.

Best line ever (from Dr. Z's Sports Illustrated NFL Power Rankings): "When I die and go to hell, hell will be a Brett Favre game, announced by the ESPN Sunday night crew, for all eternity."

Good news and bad news...

Bad news: I got screwed by the man today! We had our division Christmas luncheon. We were supposed to be able to leave after lunch as all the other resource management divisions did. Yeah right. We get up to leave when the boss says we all have to go back. Wha?! Had I known that, I wouldn't have gone. I thought the $10 cost for the lunch was the equivalent of a bribe to get off work. Geez that was a waste.

Good news: I got offered an official job where I currently work (now that I'm no longer an intern). Stop with the intern jokes already! I'm legit! This means I get another promotion next year unless I mess up. It's sad what a person will put up with for some extra cash.

Good news/bad news: I had a job interview this morning for a job in Germany (good news). I would give up my promotion next year (bad news), but the Army would pay for my housing and I'd still be making around the same amount of money. Plus my lease happens to be up in a two months... We'll see what happens. :)

Happiness is...

Getting a two hour delay to work for SLUSH... then realizing you too have become one of those people that freaks out when driving in the snow. I hate what Virginia has done to me!!

Yes, this post is four days late as it snowed Thursday night/Friday morning and was already melted by Friday afternoon--but it was still enough to get me out of work!!

HP is the devil once again...

I was at work by 6:30 yesterday (in the morning!!) so I got off at 2. This gave me plenty of time for an early showing of Harry Potter. Apparently I wasn't the only one that thought this was a good plan. My preferred showing was sold out leaving me an extra hour at the mall.

Not only have I spent $15 on this movie, but that extra hour cost me $300. I am resolved to never go to that movie theater every again. I can't resist any temptation to spend money. At least I now have more sweaters and waterproof ski gloves than I will ever need. Wait a sec, you can never have enough bright green sweaters. Otherwise how would I get comments about my wicked green eyes? :)

Alumni Stickers

I was just thinking today that I don't think I've ever seen an Ivy League alumni bumper sticker or window cling. I wonder if there's some kind of snobby "I'm too good to pull tacky flair on my car" thing for them. I would think that given where I live there would be plenty of those around. Of course there might not be any reason to put these things on the window of a tinted Mercedes since no one can read it anyway.

I want a window cling that says "Valpo Alum: Chock Full of Virture."

Coming soon...

Lisa put out a teaser, so I can too... Look for a joint HP blog one day. I'm not going to say soon because Lisa (Phd) and I need to research and apply an appropriate amount of sarcasm to our deeps thoughts. All I'll say is: dancing around like a circus monkey does not an angry champion make...

Sleep is for the weak

It's 10:30 and I'm about to leave to see Harry Potter at midnight. I went to bed at 3 last night, which was stupid because I feel like I'm going to pass out. (Don't even ask: I couldn't nap because I had to take the roommate to the airport which involved high blood pressure from stupid drivers on a 75 min trip that should have taken 20 mins.) I have to go to work for a meeting at 8 and then I'd better be released. I need to be prepared for happy hour at 5. Isn't it good to see I have my priorities straight?

They keep adding midnight shows at the theater I'm going to so I'm probably going to have to fight some hooker for parking and her little brat for a decent seat. This movie better be worth it. There had better be some moms "verbally bitchslapping" or I will be very upset. I have a feeling this outing will be nothing to CoS, eh comrades? (yes, that phrase was meant to be in code.)

Act your age, Tara

Here is further proof that I shouldn't be trusted with a camera. The following photos were taken of me while visiting my Dad and Lord Thomas while they were in Gettysburg last week for the infamous toy soldier show.

As if that's not going to encourage me to hop up there... Look at those photo skillz!

I braved the park rangers to have some special time with my new boyfriend. I call him Jimmy.

I wouldn't be a good sister if I didn't scale boulders and poke my brother in the ear with a stick to annoy him. Mission accomplished--look at that concentration.A trip to a national battlefield wouldn't be complete without tacky pictures on a cannon. I apologize for the embarrassment this caused to those there with me--Lord Thomas was itching back to the car as he took this pic.

Random observations...

1. Virginia - Living in the South can have some advantages. My brother was telling me that Illinois is 50 degrees, raining, and has the potential for snow. It was 70 degrees when I was outside at 9pm (*cough*to get Harry Potter tickets *cough*). Damn right.

2. ER - I saw a commercial for ER and some kind of plane crash. Here's my question: how many huge catastrophes like this happen in Chicago? If so, would they happen twice every year during November and February? I recall a helicopter crash as well as many other random events and I haven't watched the show in years. Good call, NBC. You should have cancelled 5 years ago when you still had 11 viewers left. Even my mom stopped watching.

3. Interrobang - Is this not the best punctuation mark ever!? Why can't they put this on the keyboard!?!? Please learn about this essential tool.

4. Madonna - Confessions on a Dance Floor. Another fantastic release by a great artist. Or is it?! XM carried her live event in London to mark the release of this CD. There was plenty of buzz ahead of time from people like Elton John who were bashing her for lip synching. It was VERY obvious that she was not doing that... I don't think she's been doing enough Yoga lately. She sounded out of breath and off-beat. I'd prefer to blame it on the quality of the satellite feed because I can't truly slam on the artist who brought us Vogue and Like A Prayer among other classics. I guess there's one bad thing I'd say: I don't like the Britass kissing. Seriously sweetheart, you're from Michigan. Remember that and keep it real. I may like Brits and their fiction, but I don't pretend I'm one of them (even if I did marry one and live there for a couple years - remind me of this one day if I try to pull "a Madonna").

5. Harry Potter - I would dedicate a separate post to this, but everyone will already call me a nerd for what I say here. Thank you, Lisa. You make me more secure in my nerdiness. I have finally conned someone into going to see it with me at midnight on Thursday!! Best part: I have to be at work at 7:30 the next morning and I can't get out of it because I have a meeting. Maybe I'll sleep through the meeting so I can go home early in the afternoon... then I can go see it again! Just kidding--I would if I didn't have intern happy hour. Ooooohhh, only it's not intern happy hour anymore because I'm an intern graduate as of Sunday! Hell yeah! This means I'm free to apply for jobs in Germany, where good skiing and hotties await me. Wishful thinking. Remind me of this when I'm moving to Alabama in 2008 because I still can't find a new job.

Can dogs smell fear?

I think one of my worst fears is coming true. I think I might be becoming... a Redskins fan. Don't tell my family; I may get disowned.

On space heaters and whore shirts

First of all I'd like to give a nice shoutout to Al, who is now engaged. Let's just say her email with that news was not surprising. :) This news gave Laura and I some great material (not that we needed anything to encourage us...) I always know a good conversation is coming when she calls me after midnight on a weekend. That's when she usually comes up with something good like 'skillerometer'. I now consider Laura the next of my friends who should get married. She won't necessarily be next, but I think she's the most, shall we say, equipped to handle such a thing. Congrats, Laura for reaching the top of that lucrative list. One day soon I can see you curled up to your space heater with that special someone. Then you won't need to wear "moderate whore" apparel to catch some unsuspecting young man in your clutches.

Laura did mention that my idea of being a stay-at-home mother wouldn't be such a bad idea. I feel that I should clarify my previous post about this. The "mother" in this phrase should be replaced to something like wife/personal shopper/party planner/social coordinator. I think we all know that it's not a good idea to have me and mother in the same sentence. I would be better at playing tennis at the club all day than planning a PTA fundraiser. Just a thought--I think I'll leave that fun stuff to people like Al (and one day Lisa), who will be great at it. :)

T-Wirs: Movie Critic

Today was another wonderful Federal holiday. I love the months of October-January because I get an extra day off every couple weeks. :) Today I spent my time off shopping and at the movie Pride and Prejudice. I haven't seen the 13 hour version, so my experience is fairly limited. That doesn't mean I can't talk like I'm knowledgable...

Here are a few of my observations... This movie had the worst hair ever. I know it's based on another time, but I doubt they had the big hair mullet back then. If so, I obviously was born during the wrong era. While it appears the hair people took a day or two off, I'm convinced the producers didn't hire any makeup people at all. If you go to IMDB to see the pics of these actors, they look okay. Maybe I was sitting too close to the screen, but some light makeup would have been a good idea. Keira Knightley got to wear some eyeliner, but that's about it. Since they hooked her up with that, they had to butcher her hair to make up for it. Worst bangs ever... except maybe for some 80s feather action. Since she's come up... I have to say: that girl needs to eat. I think a decent gust of wind would have blown her skinny ass across the Atlantic. Sometimes it was hard to tell that she was a girl. Good thing they gave her a dress and long hair.

I'll reserve my character comments until someone else has seen this movie, which I'm sure will happen. The English majors will be flocking to the theater to see the most recent torching of a beloved classic novel. Let's just say there were characters that were not as I would have picured them... especially Mr. Mullet.

Michigan still hates me: some things never change

First of all, I'd like to give a nice 'kiss my ass' to Metro. Thank you for the accurate information posted on your effin website. Thank you for the 45 minutes wasted waiting for a bus that would never come and thank you for making me have to 1) drive my car to the airport and 2) park in the $15/day parking so I could make my flight on time. Anyway...

Nothing puts things into perspective quite like a good sprint across the airport lugging a laptop and 4 days worth of dirty laundry. I think there's some kind of conspiracy that stipulates that anytime you're running late for a connecting flight, the two gates will be the longest possible distance from each other. Somewhere between the time I lost the feeling in my shins and my arrival at the gate, I realized that I really shouldn't have rushed myself because I could have spent my time in better ways. Anytime I fly through Detroit and can't get a Coney dog, I get slightly moody. Plus I'm pretty sure there was some good football on TV and a few beers at the airport bar with some cool guys would be good for anyone.

The purpose for this weekend's trip was the Michigan State vs. Purdue football game. Originally my cousin was supposed to attend (before getting screwed by the man). Ends up he was playing for State. Not really, but his twin was down there. This guy had the same goatee and anger so frequently exhibited by Bri-Bri. (Any anonymous comments to this post are definitely from him. Don't believe anything he says.)

The best moment of the weekend: being called a horse's ass by my mother when I came out sporting a Michigan State shirt. I have photos, but that's not something I feel comfortable with posting on the internet. This isn't the kind of image I want out there for blackmail purposes. THE ONLY REASON I FELT OKAY WEARING THAT SHIRT WAS BECAUSE MICHIGAN HAD THE WEEK OFF. I only hope my mother doesn't use any pics from the game as the Christmas card picture. That's something she would do.

All Purdue fans should thank me because I'm pretty sure I jinxed State. My bad.

More police drama...

I can't believe I've neglected to put up this post until now... This is your newest installment of the crazy crime saga of Liverpool Court. To bring everyone up to speed... Several months ago someone tried to break into my roommate's bedroom window at 3am leading to many hilarious memories (including a sleepover in my room, my willingness to go kick someone's ass with a tennis racket, and a particularly revealing bit about concealed firearms. Oh, and a relatively not cop--but that may have been because of the situation...)

Before I proceed I must point out that my neighborhood is very safe... at least it normally is. It's filled primarily with rich white people and people like myself who cram 3 people into a 2 person townhouse. Back to the story...

This weekend it was a police shootout about a 15-second walk from my house. The best part? It happened at 1 in the afternoon. I probably would have been able to hear it had I not been rocking out to some BPM 81. :)

Sugar Daddies

I used to say that I would never want to be a stay at home wife. After working this job for almost two years, I realize that I was completely stupid. It's really not such a bad idea afterall...

Amazing...

I didn't think it was possibly, but I've done it. I gained 8 pounds in my 2 weeks in South Carolina. I know I had lots of fat and sugar, but seriously. Good thing I'll see the family next weekend. They'll know that I'm "healthy" and don't starve myself.

Thank you

To get back at Christine for naming me Capitol T, I spent her tax dollars drinking beer. And lots of it. I plan on continuing tomorrow and Thursday. So there.

Food: Dixie style

I got back about two hours ago from a meal of shrimp and grits, hushpuppies, and sweet tea. Nothing says southern cuisine like a glass full of sugar, deep fried lard, and a bowl of grits, gravy and seafood. I think the only thing missing was some type of BBQ. I feel like I'm going to die. I haven't moved in two hours and I have a headache. I've had deep thoughts I would have never thought possible.

Next week when I've returned to the north, I think I need to detox myself. Nothing but water and vegetables. Maybe then I won't feel like death as I do now on my diet of sugar and lard. Plus I can lose some of the extra 10 pounds I've put on this month.

Random HP TotD

The guy that's directing the next Harry Potter movie also directed Mona Lisa Smile. Wha? The darkest HP movie yet and this is who they come up with?

Sunscreen is always a good idea

I decided to become a real adult this weekend. I went on a mini-vacation by myself! I spent Friday wandering around Charleston, including a brief shopping excursion highlighted by a visit to the Puma store. I spent Saturday at the beach--it was fabulous. My tan is back and now I have an excuse when my family asks about it in 2 weeks when I'm home for a visit. I can't believe it's almost November and it's in the 80s here. I could get used to this... too bad I planned to go to Hilton Head this morning only to wake up to sunburned face/shoulders and a cold wave of 65 degrees. I really wish Columbia had something to do so I wouldn't have to resort to 2 hour trips to the coast.

I'm still not sure if I prefer going solo to traveling with someone else. It's great being able to decide where I want to go without having to deal with someone else's opinion, but then again it's not as fun seeing the mullet in front of you without someone to share it with. Plus I won't go to bars/clubs unless under special circumstances. This week has taught me that there's relatively nothing I won't do by myself--I mean I have no problem going to fancy restaurants by myself and I spent the afternoon of my birthday alone in a bar (this would be one of those special circumstances). I would swear that I have only done these things because I'm alone in SC, but I think it's stuff I might start doing in VA too. I mean if I wait around for people to do things with me, I might never get to do anything! It's time for the new Tara--Do you like all these deep thoughts because I'm old? :)

Stupidity grows on Palmetto trees...

and I want a taste! I guess I already did seeing as it's 3:15 and I've already been drunk once today. I've sobered up, but there's still hope for later tonight if I can find a strategically located bar close to my hotel. I don't think it would be good to drive tipsy in my government rented vehicle... Happy day!

The Name Game

I decided today (randomly) that I'm going to make it my job to convince my child-bearing friends to theme name their children. That seems to be something they like to do around here in the South. What would be more fun than having a house full of girls named Lily, Rose, Violet, and Petunia? Or perhaps April, May, June, and August? I haven't thought of a good boys theme yet, but maybe I will tomorrow while I'm spacing out in class. It's that or ponder unfinance requirements and installation budgets. Tough choice.

This message is primarily directly at Lisa, who is destined to have a household of 4-6 girls. Think about it.

Time Management

I'm convinced that people in SC don't have anywhere to go; therefore, they feel the need to drive 10 MPH under the speed limit. Perhaps they do this to save on gas or maybe it's just to drive people like me insane. I can't speculate. I like South Carolina. Really, I do. But seriously: could we work on the driving issue a little bit? I could see myself living in Charleston waiting for my first hurricane and bitching about the heat, but I can't take the driving. Gaa!

The South will rise again!

I have the immense pleasure of spending the next 2 weeks in the great state of South Carolina. I've already had great encounters with the locals and I've been here for less than 4 hours. Expect several posts this week, especially after my first solo mini-vacation to Charleston this weekend. Anyone who has been there--give me advice on where to go! I did touristy stuff last time, but I might hit up shopping and the beach this time. Maybe I'll even visit Hilton Head to catch a trust fund baby or are they only there during the summer?

Reasons I love SC:
1. I spotted my first mullet within two hours of arrival. That would have been great in itself... but then I saw a femullet within 30 minutes of it!!!

2. When going to fast food restaurants, the default combo drink is listed as sweet tea instead of coke. I'm on a mission to develop diabetes while I'm here.

3. The tables at most restaurant have rolls of paper towels instead of napkins. I thought it was only barbecue places, but I was mistaken.

Cherry Stems and Chrissy-C

"Columbus wasn't looking for America, my man, but that seems to have worked out for everybody." - Points to the first person who can ID the movie that came from. :)

Thank you, Christopher Columbus for finding America. This has provided us with another wonderful federal holiday. Not just any holiday, but a day where only the government is off. This means I don't have to work, but stores are still open awaiting my glorious arrival! I salute you, CC--I purchased a digital camera in your honor.

I also had a drink for you at the bar last night, since who doesn't want to get boozed up on a Sunday when they don't work Monday. Sadly I was the DD, so that was the only drink I had. Trisha let me down by not getting drunk, but I guess birthday girls can do whatever they want... :) There's always next time... All that sober time allowed me to work on my cherry stem skills. I'm suddenly reminded of last weekend's classic quotes from Mo Irma, my wonderful grandmother. This may explain why I'm the way I am...

"I’d like to learn to tie cherry stems with my tongue." – Tara
"Oh yeah, that’ll help you find Mr. Right real quick." – Mo

5 minutes later...

"Would you like to do this, Tara? Bob for sausages?" - Mo on the retrieval of Italian sausage from spaghetti sauce

Juilue!

My roommate is one crazy hooker. If you don't believe me, check out Julie's blog. Reasons she was cool this week:

1. In J-language, Julie = Juilue. She misspelled her name, not once, but TWICE at the AUSA convention. I'm sure many young soldiers found their gaze lingering around her chest trying to figure out what her name was.

2. She has a dumbass boyfriend. In the world of Tara, this is a compliment. That kid will do anything stupid that you ask him to do (see evidence below). It's like a personal challenge for me to find off the wall things that challenge him. Julie's MOMMY tendency makes this even better! I just sit back and egg him on while Momma-J swats at his hand with a ruler. Threats to spank him have the opposite effect of what she intended, so she doesn't so that as much anymore...

3. She makes remarks that are mean and blunt even for me. Things like "if she wasn't built like a bear..." No one else will get that, but it's better this way. :)

Happy Birthday, Lord Thomas!

I have to take the opportunity to wish Lord Thomas a joyous 24th birthday. I almost started to cry when I realized he was no longer my little boy, but as he informed me: he would have been an adult 7 years ago in the wizard world. I don't think I can have a post without some kind of shameless Harry Potter reference (*cough* Pappy Potter *cough*). I'm sure his birthday won't be the same without me there to get him drunk, but what can you do. Oh wait, I've never seen him drunk. By phone, sure, but not in person. Sad.

When he asked me how I felt when I turned 24 (geez, it wasn't that long ago!), I said it was a lot like how he felt when Purdue was getting bitchkicked by Notre Dame last weekend. He said that was probably true, except that when you turn 24, you don't say "there's always that vodka in the back seat" like he did by the 2nd quarter of the game. I guess Sue's timing wasn't that bad afterall. :)

And the day is mine!

I sucked another victim into the world of Harry Potter. Julie, my unsuspecting roommate, actually suggested to me that we watch it! Don't let her tell you anything otherwise. She even made us stop playing Rummikub so she could pay attention since she was "getting too into it." I know she'll watch the other 2 movies (3 if you include her at Goblet of Fire opening night) and perhaps I can even sucker her into reading the books--we all know those are better anyway. :)

Her two most memorable quotes:

1. Did they make black wizards back then?

2. Look at those mentors running through the forest! (I think she was talking about the centaurs, not a professional guru, but I'm not really sure. She's in graphics for a reason--I'm going to hear about it for that one.)

Ketchup and other matters

I feel as if I’m experienced enough to write a fairly decent book on roommate relations. I just might do it if my job keeps sucking so much. I will discuss other issues later, but I’d like to start with this: food, specificially condiments. My roommates and I are not, shall we say, culinary artistes in any way. We have lots of food, but most of it isn’t touched. I think we have about 10 canisters of Crystal Light and 3 boxes of Cheezits, but items for a meal? No way!

While cleaning out the fridge yesterday I realized that we had 2-3 of each condiment. I know this is probably because I’m a condiment snob, but it still seems a little excessive to me. I mean there are probably starving kids in Ethiopia that would love to have the Hunts ketchup that I stick my nose up at. I just think it’s amusing that there is nothing in my fridge except 6 bottles of BBQ, 2 ketchups, 4 tubs of butter and possibly a cheese or two.

I really need a hobby so I don’t ponder these things. I mean who spends all day Saturday cleaning their house and counting condiments? I guess I should be glad that it’s almost ski season!

Twisted and Snorman: The Soundtrack

Snorman and I have decided to put together an official soundtrack of cool Europe-themed songs in preparation of the big trip in 6 months. Now I just need to think of a clever name for this compilation. Any ideas?

Track 1: From Paris to Berlin by Infernal

I have the best timing ever--

It's true. Wednesday morning I get this cryptic email from my landlord saying that he wants to talk to me about selling the townhouse. This would be the same townhouse that I have a lease to live in until next May. He'd like us to move out so he can quit his job and go into real estate. Why did he just extend our lease for a year if he wanted to sell the place??

This may be just the thing Julie and I have been looking for--She wants to move out (probably to get away from me) and I wouldn't mind moving closer to the District if I can't land a gig in Germany. I've decided to either buy a house or pay huge money to live in Crystal City or Arlington. Who wouldn't jump at the opportunity to pay $1200 to rent an apartment the size of a small dorm room. At least I'd be living near people my own age. Maybe there would be more eye candy and I could spend my spare time looking for rich lobbyists (oh wait, I'm not a hooker). This sounds like a good idea, except that I like to spend money like I'm the next Mrs. Matt Damon (sorry, that's what I came up with under pressure) and I've blown any down payment I may have had on really random, yet essential, things. WHY DID THIS HAPPEN THE ONE TIME OF MY LIFE THAT I DECIDED NOT TO BE CHEAP ANYMORE!?!

August/September recap of why Thomas is the financial planner in the family:
1. Pimping my new ride (who still doesn't have a name...) - Window tinting protects the color of my interior. Yeah, that's it.
2. Laptop - I'm just glad I have 18 month interest free...
3. Trip to Minnesota/Mall of America - I spent enough at the mall to have my credit card company turn off my card until I verified my purchases.
4. Sony Home Theater System - This might not be bad if it wasn't for my room and left me with the desire to upgrade my TV.
5. UK Harry Potter books - Not just the two that I didn't already have, but the whole set because I needed to have a matching set of hardcovers. I think I spent more on shipping than the books. Apparently the exchange rate isn't very good right now... I'm sick.
6. Trip to Chicago for Sue's wedding - I guess she'll want a gift too... :)
7. Commitment to go to Europe for 7-10 days in the spring - Shannon and I can't have a cheap trip. We'll be too busy buying Italian leather and getting massages/facials.
8. XM Radio - This is probably the sweetest toy I've ever had--I may even get rid of Netflix! It validated my purchase of the home theater system. I couldn't blast out my neighbors or roommates with wicked trance music unless I had those speakers.

I really need to get a hobby or a boy toy. Otherwise I'm going to be living with one of you before long. Maybe I can stay on Snormie's couch. I've heard she has an extra room... ;) At least you can rest assured that I have sweet possessions to up the party factor of your pad...

I love being German

This isn't right... but I'm German so I can think it's funny. :)

What a weekend...

I'm going to address an issue here that is very painful for me to discuss... Yes, Michigan lost to Notre Dame. I have accepted this as fact. I don't know what upsets me more: that they lost or that I didn't really care. I left the house during the 4th quarter to go to Kohl's to see if they had the Adidas track jacket I wanted. They didn't, but I did get a cute pair of track pants with pink stripes. You can't have it all. Maybe I'm starting to channel all my sports related rage into shopping? Hmmmm...

Today I went to my first Redskins game. They played the Bears. I know I should probably care about that, being a good Illinois girl and all, but I was indifferent. At least I was until I realized that I could probably get into a lot of trouble by being 'that asshole'. We all know I love that. Don't worry though--Kyle Orton snapped me back to reality before I could open my big mouth. He's the Bears' rookie quarterback and played for Purdue. I've seen him choke enough over the couple years to know that I didn't want to bet my life or my green shirt (does beer stain?) on him.

I've decided that my next Redskins game will be with 2-3 of my drinking buddies (TBD - applications due by 25 September) so we can get ridiculous. It would be so easy and inexpensive to do. On the trip back today, we were offered a variety of food, beer, and (with a return visit) a jersey. I guess that's what I get for wearing green amongst a sea of red, orange, and blue. That's how I roll. :)

My experience was not nearly as special as that of my cousin Brian. He's going to kill me for talking about him, but that just encourages me. As a Detroit Lions season ticket sucker... oops, I mean season ticker holder... he was at today's game against the Packers. My game started at 1, his at 4. Naturally he was tailgating before I had even left for the game. Thank you, Brian, for being drunk at noon to entertain me. Thank you for yelling at those Packers fans while I was on the phone. I can only hope that you yell at younger kids next time. TARA'S OBSERVATION OF THE DAY: drunk Redskins fans will NEVER compare to drunk Lions fans. (Probably because of the bitterness associated with Lions football.)

Pizza... and dude ranch?

Tonight I felt like being fat and lazy... I know that's probably not much of a surprise to many of you, but I've been much better lately. :) Imagine my surprise when I realized that by ordering a pizza, I could get a free blackberry or a trip to a dude ranch. Wha? You can buy $10 of chicken strips from Papa John's (who gets chicken strips at PJs??) and they'll give you a free blackberry. All you have to do is sign a 2 year contract for $75/month phone and email service. I'm sure they'll rope lots of morons into that one. Who actually reads fine print these days? People probably think blackberry is just another cheap DVD they're giving out instead of a super sweet tech toy that even I don't have (what can I say? I can't resist new toys...)

The dude ranch is another issue. I could go for that to get some hot cowboys. In fact, the cowboys were almost enough incentive to get Domino's. But then I figured they'd be George W. Bush type cowboys and I can NOT get into that.

Cityfolk

Sorry, I know I'm behind and have lost all sense of humor I once may have had.

When I was growing up, my cousin always used to call me "cityfolk" whenever I'd come to visit. Mind you he rarely called my brother this. Apparently I'm a better target. I always took it as a compliment (similar to when people, not that this would ever happen to me, call me a b*tch). I didn't really consider myself too city since I could occasionally let go on my trips up north. Back then I didn't really have a problem playing in the ditch or walking around in the lake.

My how things have changed. Brian would really be making fun of me now (thankfully he's preoccupied with the W administration). I think I've really become a girl! This year I'’ve worn a strapless red formal dress, avoided boating activities, and put on makeup to go out on a lake. Today I found myself matching my tanktop to my pajama shorts. This would not be strange if I had a boy toy. As it is, it disturbed me.

MN weekend the girls and I took a paddleboat to a bar. We had to get out of it to walk it through shallow water. It took me what felt like hours to walk through there and catch up to them. Lesson learned 1: Pedicured feet are not conducive to walking around in a rocky lake (and it was slimy, ew). At least I got the opportunity to redeem myself later as we were leaving the bar. The tie-up rope (sorry, I don'’t know the proper pirate/boating terms for it) got stuck underneath the boat. I don'’t know how it happened, but I volunteered to take care of it. I got to reach under the boat as Catie, Savvy, and Amie held my ankles to keep me out of the nasty swampwater. I needed multiple people since a certain someone started to let me slip in after awhile (hint: name rhymes with Haiti). Intentionally or not, we'’ll never know. It all worked out though. As Rachel would say, I didn''t even break a nail. If anyone was on the lake at that point, they got quite a show. Lesson learned 2: I should have planned to go with the boatneck top over a v-neck.

The French conspiracy

I’m glad Laura was there to witness this episode--I have a witness! I have my keys attached to an Eiffel Tower keychain. When sending my purse through the xray machine on the way back from MN, my bag was picked for a 'special' search. Apparently the Eiffel Tower, when combined with my keys, looks like some kind of sharp, harmful object.

I find it highly amusing that this would be the item to get me searched. I should have guessed that something like this would happen because of the Frenchies. :) Had this been DC, I would have gotten nasty looks from the fine TSA agents in charge. Thankfully people from the midwest are actually nice. TSA chick thought it was pretty funny too.

One reason to say yes to lap dancing...

Wow, I think this is Lisa in a few years (I'm just testing to see if she ever actually reads this blog).

http://news.yahoo.com/s/nm/crime_stripper_dc

In memory of the Gamer...

The Gamer moved on to a new family several weeks ago. Prior to its "passing" Julie and I saw this car while we were in South Carolina. May the Gamer have more good times and classic moments (Hey look! A Dennys!) in its new home. NEXT PROJECT for you kids: naming the new car (I'll get pics one day...)

I miss college...

so I try to overcompensate by staying up as late as I used to. Somehow staying up until 2 or 3 in the morning was easier when I didn't have to work at 7:30. I am such a moron.

I like Risa's explanation of this insomnia: "Why sleep at night, when you can sleep at work all day." Truer words were never spoken, yet I'm still too much of a sucker to actually do it.

Feet suck

The most tragic thing has happened... I think my feet are getting bigger! They are the only small part of my body!!! What the hell? Wait a sec, maybe that means I'll grow an inch or two. Wishful thinking.

Reality Check

For those that don't know, I met some of the Valpo ladies in Minnesota for a weekend of fun. I took an extra two days of leave for this lovely "vacation". I'm just glad that Snorman and I are going to go to Europe next spring so I can take a vacation that isn't ridiculously short. Anyway... nothing brings me back from "vacation" quicker than finding out that I had to go to the Pentagon for a super boring briefing on my first day back. Rest assured I made the most of this opportunity!

One of my division's team leaders has taken to writing Alabama words in case I make the big move. Examples: oil = ol, government = gubmint, etc. Today I wrote two words on his board that he had missed on mine: wrestle = rassle and naked = nekkid. I couldn't stop there. As one of the fancy pants peeps for this briefing, I dared him to include these two words somewhere in the briefing. He did it! There is nothing more difficult than keeping a straight face as he wormed the word rassle into the conversation. We all know how I like to cry from laughter--it was one of the hardest things I've ever done to keep from lighting up the C-Ring with my not-so-quiet laughter.

I also came to the realization that if I really want to stay with the Army and be even remotely successful , I'll need to become a mega bitch. Wow. I haven't seen this kind of hostility since my mom and I had shouting matches when I was 16. It was amazing.

Thus ends my latest installment of Deep Thought With T-Wirs. Stay tuned for more on Minnesota, cityfolk, and my discussion of the French conspiracy to get me searched at airports.

Check out these hot chicks!

This is me with Trisha and Luth Anne at Thursday's Nationals Game (yes, we got to go on the gov's time!!)

Beer Allergies

I think I'm allergic to beer. Isn't that depressing? I apparently get fat foot disease whenever I drink. That's not good. We all know how I enjoy the occasional cold beverage. I've had a bit of a dry spell since Christine and Evan's wedding (the last time I had the fat foot), but it has reappeared now that I'm back on the drink.

I think this is something that I'll need to test out. I will dedicate this weekend to scientific research on this matter. Wish me luck.

Another quote not from Tara

From Snorman: "I wish I had a dollar for each time I got wasted to Gone With the Wind. Think about it, as many times as we watched it and got wasted--the two have to correlate."

Why I'm going to call this the Thomas blog

I've made up for my writer's apathy (yeah, I don't know what that is either) by repeatedly quoting my brother. As long as that's straight, here's another Thomas quote pertaining to my absence from work for two days because of the flu:

I could see all the top brass in the war room, "Why isn't she here, Johnson?", "She says to f$@% off, sir."

One reason I like my job:

People can say things like this to me: "Since you're a professional analyst, I'm sure you won't have any trouble with such a pedestrian task." I like that perception. :)

Division Headquarters Barbie

Thank you, Shannon. You have helped me with my decision to become a better person. That and many weekends bored off my ass. I came to the realization the other day that most people (especially males) are freaked out by females, such as myself, that 1) speak their mind and 2) can drink more beer than the standard male. These are two things that I may be able to cut down on, at least a little.

How better to become Division Headquarters Barbie (thanks again Snorm) than 100% participation in the "I don't speak, I smile" routine and the "Barbara" diet (aka too busy with work to eat and too freaked out to even if I had the time because Barbara is going to kick my ass at this briefing). There are few who can't be snowed by an "I'm so cute" smile. I'll just give the smile and everything bad will disappear like a twinkie at fatcamp. Throw in some dimples and it's really over. This kind of ingenuity is what really gets a girl ahead in the world. (Don't say anything. I don't want to hear about what else can help out--lets not bring the girls into this).

To say that I will give up beer is unrealistic. Besides, my quest to save money has done horrible things to my tolerance. Maybe this being fake thing will work out and I won't need to take any more drastic measures. :) Perhaps I can turn this into a scientific experiment and document my findings in a red notebook with an acid free pen. This could be fun...

Thanks for the compliment, Christine

Christine put in a comment about how I don't ever update the blog with anything good anymore. Sorry about that--I've been a work nerd for the last two weeks. I worked late a lot and even worked from home on the weekend. Government employees aren't supposed to do that.

This experience helped me come to the realization that I will be one of the 10% of gov suckers that do most of the work. This week, for example, I had to prepare and give a briefing for this hooker I work with who was away for "training". This was in addition to my normal amount of work and then some. Nothing pisses me off more than people who plan to be gone and leave loads of work for coworkers. Next time I'm going to tell her lazy ass that she should have done it the week before she left. As if I want to spend my sit-on-my-ass-at-home time doing someone else's work.

That gives me an idea... I'm going to Minnesota at the end of the month and will have 2 days off. Maybe I can strategically neglect all my work before I leave so someone else (cough, Trisha, cough) can do my work for me.

Now who's sorry she said something about my lack of random, informative posts...

Lord Thomas' Brit talk of the week

I think I might need to get some new trainers, coz I stepped in some bogeys a fortnight past.

Lord Thomas HP Quote of the Day

"I just don't see how Harry can withstand all that shit from Voldemort, but then Snape bitchkicks him every time he tries something."

Another random observation

I think there's an unspoken rule among all large, balding 50+ yr old men that forces them to go running without a shirt. Why can't the hot 25 yr olds do that? And if you must take off your shirt, do your shorts have to be so short as well? I guess it just bothers me that I'm too self-conscious to go running outside in full view of passing motorists yet Mr. Mantits is running wild. Okay, I'll stop now.

Um. I can't think of a title.

This week has been busy at work and it's going to be worse next week--I have some smartass things to put on here, which I'll do when I have time. It probably won't happen this weekend since my parents are here and they act like they're on speed when they're on vacation.

My email is down today too--I think that only happens when I need it for something important that's work related. This made me realize just how dependent I am on it. It's somewhat disturbing. I feel unfulfilled if I can't check my email every two minutes. I don't get that much and most of it is just weather updates from the Operations Center (your tax dollars at work) or people that sit two cubes down from me bashing on the person next to me. It happens.

If Virginia is for lovers...

why does it have virgin in the name?

Bumper stickers that make you wonder...

1. Ted Kennedy's car has killed more people than my gun. -- At least Ted Kennedy's car has seen a woman with a full set of teeth. (Thanks to Brian for that deep thought.)

2. If it ain't the King James, it ain't the Bible. -- I don't even know where to start with that one. I'll just say that this wonderful statement was accompanied by a Bush/Cheney bumper sticker. Enough said. (Again, thank you Brian.)

Reasons I want to move to France

1. 35 hour work week
2. 2 months off a year
3. Cool French words like "les singes"
4. 35 hour work week
5. 2 months off a year

How appropriate

"In their first head-to-head NEXTEL Cup race, the Army and Navy cars finished Sunday’s USG Sheetrock 400 nose-to-tail." Nose-to-tail? They stole my joke.

urbandictionary.com

It's amazing what happens when you teach slang terms to another generation. Last Friday (on an extremely productive day with the federal government) another coworker mentioned a term that was unknown to anyone above the age of 38. Naturally the two young interns are asked to explain the concept of "wifebeater". Not a hard task, right?

You would think it's not. Until someone comes up to you early on a Monday morning and says, "Hey, I'm not sure, but I think Coworker X is wearing a wifebeater. I'm going to ask him when he gets of the phone." Um, wha??? Apparently he had also been counting wifebeaters in church the day before. Now I know it's not just my mom who talks about things she isn't 100% sure about. It's too early for this.

Tara, your dad wants to go to church with you so could we could fly home Sunday night?

This is why many people don't like when their parents come to visit. I guess I should find a church now.

You're a real piece of work...

Where exactly did that phrase come from? "You're a piece of work." Oh yeah? What kind of work? I mean artwork is a good thing. "You're a real piece of artwork. You belong in a Monet." What about: "You're a real piece of handiwork. Just like my newly assembled coffeetable from Ikea. You both kick ass." See, that could be good too. I know it's more of a you're a piece of (expletive deleted), but sometimes it's fun to be creative.

These are the things I think about at work.

Yes folks, this is what I live with every day. Literally. She wears that sweatshirt EVERY DAY. :)

So I've had a blog for 6 months...

And now I'm actually going to write in it! Lets just say that this weekend has provided plenty of material for me, which is quite a change from the norm. Why is it that people get super boring once they get (super boring) jobs?

The only rule about Tara's blog: ask me before you send the link to anyone because I may very well be blasting that person. Lets not forget that I'm a certified, um, meaney.